The BRYAN 2.0 Journey Begins

I used to tell people my goal in life was to live to 57 years old. My grandfather, who I idolized, died at 57 years old. He died of a heart attack caused by a blood clot. 

Turns out my family history has a genetic disposition to blood clots. My father almost died twice, and I once at 45 years old. When I was hospitalized for chest pain, they found my lungs full of blood clots. Turns out I have the blood clot gene. Now I'm on daily blood thinners. Death averted. 

Holding the ball with Grampa and my brother

I mention this because my grandfather died when I was in the second grade, and I remember getting mad at God and telling myself I was now going to become a bad boy. Which I did. Getting into trouble was my middle name. The first time I got drunk was at a Wedding when I was probably 10 or 11 years old. 

I forgot to mention, my grandfather was a huge partier. The life of the party I'm told and there's no doubt I followed in his footsteps. 

Since then, I have partied hard since I was 15. No drugs, but lots and lots of beer. Not everyday drinking but mostly weekends binge drinking. The way I looked at it was I was going to giverr with the goal to live to 57 years old, and if I make it longer, that's just gravy. 

So this past year, in November of 2022, I turned 57 years old. I had my last blowout a few days after my birthday, and something strange happened. I didn't really feel like drinking or partying anymore. It was like a switch went off. I achieved my goal of going hard and happy if I make it to 57 years old, and I accomplished that goal. 

Not only did I go hard on the partying, but I went hard on the exercise at times, at eating, and everything I did. There was no middle switch. It was either an off or on switch for me. I can't tell you how many times I've gained and lost 50 lbs. Maybe 4, 5, 6 times? I lost count. 

Over the years, I completed 12 Ironman Triathlons and finished some in 10 hours, 11 hours, 12 hours, 13 hours, 14 hours, 15 hours and 16 hours. My best was 10:20. My range is breathtaking, from world-class age group to fat slob barely finishing. As I said, I have no middle switch. 

The amazing part is during all that training, at all finish times, I was partying hard. I remember the year I did my fastest Ironman of 10:20 and fast half Ironman of 4:26  and was drinking 200 plus beers per month. Yes, I logged it just like I logged training mileage and hours. I blogged about this journey for over 1000 days straight on my first blog Training Payne.

Qualifying for Kona @Lake Placid

When I returned to Ironman triathlons at 42, I did every race with the captain hat. The original captain's hat was the one that hung on the wall behind my grandfather's bar in the basement. After a few races, I bought another one as I feared the original would fall apart. 

Now fast forward to 57 years old. Only days after, I started feeling melancholy and somewhat depressed. I didn't know why. I just did. I do remember asking myself what I had to look forward to in life? I no longer have a desire for endurance racing. I've been there, done that, and got lots and lots of T-shirts. 

I wasn't suicidal, but I did hit some sort of a "what is the meaning of living? What is my life going to look like moving forward?" I guess, to a certain degree, I never thought about what I'd be doing past age 57. 

The current situation was me being 230 lbs, no longer in shape, and not feeling good about myself physically, which caused me to not feel good mentally, and with no goals or vision for the future. Other than getting up every day and working. It just seemed bleak in my mind. 

November 21st, I turned 57, and my last big blowouts were on November 25th and 26th. I visited my sister in Florida, and when I say I had big blowouts over that US Thanksgiving weekend, I mean big. Rolling on the floor and eating out of a dog dish big. The food wasn't that bad, but when I tried the doggy snacks, I almost puked. This is after about 20 +++ beers. 

Over the next few days, I detoxed, and then something came over me that I no longer was going to drink. It wasn't like I hit rock bottom, not even close. It wasn't like I was telling myself you needed to stop drinking. It wasn't like that. It was just this feeling that came over me that I had no desire to want to drink anymore.

It was like, "I achieved my goal of making it to 57 years old and living my life to the fullest during the process and reached my goal". It was over. It was that simple. No rock bottom, just "hey, I did it," "I crossed the finish line," glad that's over. 

I guess it's like training for an Ironman. You have the goal to finish, and then you train, and then when you cross the finish line you are done. No more training is required. Mission accomplished. That's how I felt, mission accomplished, "now what?"

Like finishing an Ironman, shortly after that, you become depressed until you set your next goal. The same was with me. I got depressed. It wasn't like I hit my goal of living to 57, and now my next goal is to do the same to see if I make it to 67. That really never entered the picture. 

I was more happy that I got to 57 and lived my life to the fullest, and what was interesting was I now internalized how old my grandfather was at 57 years old. You think as a kid that's old, and now that I'm 57, I don't think it is, 

I still have the mindset of my younger self. I used to say I had the mindset of a mature 17-year-old prior to 57, but now I'm more like myself at 38 ish years old. 

Now, getting to the next phase of my life and my new goal. 

It has taken me a while to think about it, but it's twofold: I want to be the best person I can be and make it to 87 years old, being mentally and physically healthy. I don't want to make it to 87 being alive and having a nurse in a retirement home wiping my ass. 

I'm talking about being nibble, still being able to exercise, and having a younger person's energy. I still want to be able to remain active, to run, to bike to do weights. I've seen guys in their early 80s do Ironmans. Hell, I personally met them when I did Kona. If people at that age can still do Ironman's, why can't I be spry and active at least? 

Along with physical goals, I also want to be mentally alert. To have a young man's mindset. Or to at least not get any older than my 48-year-old mindset. Finally, I want to keep improving myself to be a better person to family, friends, and anyone I meet. 

There are things I can improve on, such as my lack of patience at times, my narcissism (e.g. doing Ironman is a selfish sport), perhaps more empathy, maybe enjoying the simple things in life, not creating situations of regret (not drinking will definitely reduce that by 99%) and just basically becoming a better and better person as I continue to age. 

This goal of getting to 87 healthy and wiser took me a couple months to figure out. I guess I needed to visualize my life and whether it was a worthwhile goal? Of course, if I achieve my goal at 87, then I guess I'll go through the same thing and have to set a new goal. But first things first, let's worry about getting to 87. 

I had a physical the first week of January, and the doctor told me that my A1C was higher than he'd like to see. It's the first sign of becoming a diabetic. He told me what I already knew, that I needed to lose weight. 

That's where my journey began. I started the following week on a 3-day fast. I did drink coffee with milk and sweetener, so I'm not sure if that disqualifies me, but I did go without food for those 3-days. 

It was a good kickstart. Afterward, I had no desire to each junk food. At least for the next few weeks. I did manage to drop my weight by about 4.5 lbs in January, and although it sounds good, I was disappointed as I wasn't eating junk food, and I was intermittent fasting, only eating between 12 noon - 6 pm. For almost 3 weeks straight, my weight stayed in the 226 - 226.8 lbs mark. It was the strangest thing I've ever seen. It was just a flat line. 

On the last weekend of January, I decided to eat junk food on Saturday and Sunday, thinking it would shock my system to get back to losing weight. By Monday, after watching a bunch of YouTube videos, I decided to go on the Carnivore diet and try it for at least a month. 

So it's now Thursday, and I started Monday. I weighed in today at 223.8 lbs, I started at 226.8 lbs, so in 3 days, it's been a 3 lbs weight loss. I'm sure much is water as I'm eating no carbs. The carnivore diet is simple, eat just meat, anything from an animal or fish, and eat until you are full. No calorie counting, spices, veggies, just meat of all kinds. 

If it has legs, you can eat it is basically the carnivore diet plan. Oh, and you can treat yourself to water or black coffee. 

I must say I'm not hungry and feel pretty good. I walk 6 km at least 5 days a week and have been doing that since June 2022. But since November, I started to do weights, run a little, and bike a little. Nothing more than 40 minutes at a time. Not Ironman level, but just enough to remind me of what it feels like to be an athlete. 

One interesting thing is I no longer call my exercise "training." I call it "working out" when I talk to others. When I was doing Ironmans, I'd say, "I have some training I need to do," now it's, "I need to go workout". 

I've even picked up some self-help books. Some I had read many years ago, like Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" and Napolean Hills' "Think and Grow Rich," and some other more touchy-feely stuff. Haven't started reading them yet as I need to free myself up from YouTube and Netflix lying on the couch time commitments. 

The Pig & Whistle 2.0

So my next 30-year journey begins. I've even already gotten off to a good start socially. We have started to get into the habit of Alice and me going out to diners on Fridays, nice places, not "bars and grills" like we used to with lots of beers and cocktails. Instead, it's good food, me not drinking, and Alice having a cocktail or two. Then heading back to the Pig & Whistle (my home bar) and sitting around the bar having drinks, except mine is just soda. (But now that I'm on the carnivore diet, it will be fancy sparkling water).

Oh, and I bought a 2023 Corvette. I put the order in 1.5 years ago and wasn't sure if I was going to actually buy it, but I decided that life is too short and go for it. It gives us something to do in the summer, driving around with the roof down and enjoying the breeze. I've had a number of people my age die in the past couple of years, and my youngest brother, at 50, was recently diagnosed with stage four cancer, which influenced my final decision to go through with it. For the car I ordered a custom license plate, "FRUIVITA", it means in Latin, "ENJOY LIFE". 

 The other thing I did was I made a snowman. I hadn't done that since the kids were young. I was outside shoveling the driveway, the snow was wet, and I decided to go for it. Both for fun and, of course, I thought it would be a good workout. It was 2 hours and lifting heavy balls of snow like the strongman competitions. 

The Journey has begun.